Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
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Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
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She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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