my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
