I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
