I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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