Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
