who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
