hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
