you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
