don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
