is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
