based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
