I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
