Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
