so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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