Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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