Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
