this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
