It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
do herpes really smell.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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