Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There's always time for handjobs
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
