bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
