They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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