I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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