i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
