i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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