i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
