Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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