I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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