I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
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She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
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Watching her eat just hurts me
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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