my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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