okay pat passed out under dana's car
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
