Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
