Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
