I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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