Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
