was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
