I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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