It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
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You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
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The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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