can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
