I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
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He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
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Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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