Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
