I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
