bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
