I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
