she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
