Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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