allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
