I'm eating all of the evidence.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
