all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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