she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize