Your mouth is God's brothel.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
