I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
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I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
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Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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