Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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