Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
