Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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