Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
my liver is dry heaving
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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