i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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