Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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