remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You've changed since you got that strap on
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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