my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
