I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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