3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
