a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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