You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Small penises have feelings too.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
