Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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