she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
