genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
