How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
