I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
