Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
